Saturday, November 23, 2019

Nothing He Couldn't Do!

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, how about a series of posts creepily themed to the culinary delights of the doomed? Cuz everyone likes to eat right? Right??!! Say, what's your favorite things to eat, anyway? Hmmmm, turkey? Taters? Pumpkin pie? Hey, how about canned meat? Oh god, I've said too much already... better pop down a couple of Zantacs because here comes a deliriously dumbfounding Dick Ayers atrocity that is sure to upset your shivering stomachs. From the September 1954 issue of The Thing #16.













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15 comments:

Brian Barnes said...

I thought for sure, as silly as it would be, he might have made them a refrigerator, but, nope, it was canning, which isn't as easy as it sounds!

This one is a bit looney tunes and I always like to think "what thought started this story?" Had to be canning for cannibals, and then the author worked backwards.

I really like the art but a bit of a pet peeve .... stories with lots of water can have some messy pages, all black/blue panels and sometimes hard to draw the eye. It's a minor complaint.

I feel bad for Jones, he didn't deserve his fate but boy did they stack the cards against the others! Escaped convict! Crooked gambler! And a hitman! Yikes! What a surprising rouges gallery that ends up on one raft!

Is Jones alive but buried in the ground? Or just a head? That part was a bit confusing.

I liked this one. Fun crazy tale with silly ending, makes for a nice read.

Todd said...

"We still have time to figure out how to escape!"

I love not knowing how many pages are left. The abruptness was a surprise!

Mestiere said...


They gave names and a background to all the white characters when it was really all about Jonesy. Without the padding this could have been a three pager.

What made the castaways think they could choose with straws the order in which the cannibals would cook them? The cannibals were the ones who chose Jonesy first.

"He no talk — his tongue cut out."

I think having his head cut off was even more effective in preventing Jonesy from talking. Once again bad communication between writer and artist spoils a simple, straightforward story. Where was the editor?

Ugly, mean-spirited story with rather effective art.

Mr. Karswell said...

Looks like to me that he’s buried up to his neck in the dirt

Mestiere said...


"Looks like to me that he’s buried up to his neck in the dirt"

What about the blood coming out of his neck and the eyes rolled back?

BTX said...

I'm thinking "Made It Myself" Jonsey would have been the Cannibal since that would have been his punchline. I figured he rounded up the baddies for his meal.... then the REAL cannibals show up. Badly plotted, but nice swerve.

Mr. Karswell said...

Um, the blood could also be coming from say, a giant spike driven through his face, haha... also, can severed heads change the direction their eyes are looking? I don't know, I read this and didn't for a second think the head was severed, plus the line of dialog from the cannibal seemed to secure it. You guys are kooky :)

Mestiere said...


"...can severed heads change the direction their eyes are looking?"

Yes they can. In 1989, an Army veteran told of seeing a friend decapitated in a car crash. According to the story, the severed head showed emotions of shock, followed by terror and grief, its eyes glancing back at its separated body. There are many stories from the French Revolution where the head would open its eyes when hearing its name, close them when exposed to light, would blink, change expressions, even attempting to speak.

Curiously, spikes through the cheeks produce almost no bleeding. There are rituals from India and Thailand you can google.

Aren't we glad we are in a horror blog where we can learn all this minutia about bodily injuries?

JMR777 said...

Jones should have said to Mike that repairing guns was one of the few things he couldn't do, gunsmithing requiring specialized knowledge that he didn't have.

Jones also should have made a deal with the chief, his precious toolbox, tools and all of his knowledge in exchange for their lives. Giving the tools and knowhow to the chief would have made the chief even more powerful and respected, something most men seek.

Instead of canning meat Jones could have taught them how to make jerkey, a much easier method of preserving meat.

I second what Brian Barnes said, Jonsey didn't deserve his fate, but in the realm of horror comics the good guys sometimes pay the penalty along with the bad guys.

Mr. Karswell said...

LOL. Yes yes, everyone knows about the lingering, brief life phenomenon of the just severed head (Hell, I wrote a story about it myself in 8th grade English class back in the 80's), my point being that you don't even have to look very close at the final panel of this story to see that the head isn't severed-- Ayers even drew in a bit of the shoulder! Plus, as mentioned before, everyone is talking to the head on the ground!

And while we're at it, Ayers also drew blood on the cheek in the same panel. Googling Indian and Thai magic tricks won't alter my own past experiences with shaving and nicking my cheeks for the last 40+ years, because yes, cheeks definitely do bleed-- like a MFer! I'm siding with Ayers on this one.

Whew. Okay, fun debates aside, there's lots more murderous morsels on the way, this was just an appetizer in THOIA's week-long Thankskilling Feast! Stay tombed... *burp!*

Mestiere said...


You've convinced me! Ayers intended Jonesy to be seen as alive and buried. I'm not being ironic. It's my fault for overestimating the cannibals. If they misunderstood Jonesy's instructions not only did they have no previous body to practice with—meaning most of the bodies would rot unconsumed—but they couldn't even ask Jonesy what they did wrong since they cut off his tongue. But there is no rule that says cannibals have to be smart! This have been a lot of fun!

moonraqs said...

How about a new way to spice up your egg breakfast? Canned people! I was leaning towards refrigeration as well.

Guy Callaway said...

The 'Jonesy, what happened?' panel showed up in a '50's 'those horrible comics' mag article.
Great yarn!

Mr. Cavin said...

Golly Ayers is great. The energy on page one is palpable. I quite like the weird mole-man (?) cover for this ish, too.

Bill the Butcher said...

You're right about the spam - I've almost stopped checking my pending comments because it's so hard to find the real comments among the spam.

How nice, the cannibals who can speak English! But not manage grammatical English! Because they're cannibals!